October 24th, 1993 my story began. I was born to a single mom who worked her hardest to fulfill the two roles of father and mother. It was hard seeing my mother work so hard and yet be so strong for me, so when I turned 15 I vowed to never be with anyone like my father unlike every other girl. His inability to recognize me and simply be there for me was hard for me to accept so I chose not to fall into that same trap. So imagine the pain that I felt when at 22 going on 23, I discovered that I would be going through exactly what I despised.
September 2016, I saw my son’s future before he even arrived. They say you never know someone until you have a child with them, but honey I knew! I sat for three weeks and grieved because as blessed as I felt, I knew that I had failed to break the very cycle I swore to never be apart of. Being pregnant, not even in a committed relationship with the father, and having doubt all around me was not how I wanted to bring a baby into this world. My history was now becoming apart of my unborn child's story. Slowly, but surely, I realized that it was all my choice to change that.
Grief, sadness, disappointment doesn't change us, but instead it reveals who we truly are. It's our choice to either recognize the problem and fix it, or to simply allow generational cycles to repeat to our children. My mistake was already made, I already had this amazing life inside of me. But I didn't want that life to see my struggle the same way I saw my mother struggle. So I did my part in making sure my son had the necessary support to make it in this world. Mind you, I said I did "MY PART". Being a parent is a choice, whether we want to believe it or not. A choice is defined as " an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities." Yes it's true, if you fathered or mothered a child you are automatically their parent; but choosing to parent that child action wise is completely ones choice.
Ladies as moms, yes we want the best for our child, but we have to realize that we can't force anyone to do anything. Yes we want our child to grow up with both of their parents active in their lives, but what happens when one doesn't want to participate? Or what happens when one parent just simply doesn't know how to be that active parent we want them to be? Will we spend all of our time forcing them to do something that they're supposed to do? Will we bash them for not maturing as quick as we did? What are we going to do when we don't get our expectations?
I know those are a whole lot of questions, but I think it's important that we answer those for ourselves. I've seen so many mothers spend all their time forcing their beautiful child, a gift from God, on someone who simply doesn't want to or isn't mature enough to recognize that gift. I speak of this because at one point in life I was so focused on trying to end this generational cycle, that I didn't realize that forcing co-parenting was causing it to manifest. We're MOTHERS! We spend our entire day fixing things, cooking,cleaning,disciplining, and much more. We can't take someone else's burden on us as well! Their choice is their choice, it can effect our children, but it's up to us to do our very best to make sure that it doesn't effect them.
How? By being the best mom we can be. By teaching our children to value everything and everyone that is around them. By being lovingly honest, and allowing them to form their own opinion in life. Be everything your child needs you to be and let life take its course. Don't allow anyone to put more stress on you, just live your life in peace. You and your child deserve that much.
Make your story HISTORY, and build a new one for your little one.